how did you even find this
...
im talking to nobody again
god fuck i know i have saidd this to a million people and nothing has ever changed but maybe this time who the fuck knows
i am so fucking messed up
the stupid jealousy over the stupidest things
whyi keep doubting myself and my abilities
te fucking
half the things online trigger me and i cant stop it
and the stupid stupid stupid like other things im attracted to and hate it for
like why can i not read a single thing about DiD without feeling lightheaded and weird and fuck myself up for the next hour
because i wish i was like that even thoug h i KNOW i KNOW saying that is horrible
i dont,, i dont know
its even worse because i had been friends with some and ruined the relationship completely
and I am FUCkED
WHY cant i just think of them as normal poeple noooo
i have to get all up in my head and fantasize about it and FRICKING i
hate it i hate it why cant i just be normal
or like scp whcih is less worse than the above
but still like fucks me up mentally for a while and stuff in a similar way
i KNOW COMPARING THIS IS TERRIBLE TOO OK
WhY am I lIKE TIS
i have lost so many (online) friendsips over this fucking
im awful
im terrible
idk why im even doign this..
either nobody sees it or i just look like im begging for attention again
i swear im not
this page is unlisted for a reason
this page isnt being put on the github for a reason
idfk what will happen when i finally switch it to delete pages not on the repo
this will probably burn along with the tons of other old and terrible pages
im not ok
im just good at not thinking about it until something stokes the flames