candys journal

basically the "hidden" vent section ive seen the webtracker nobody looks at this page

2024-09-13

i got a sudden surge of motivation so im gonna try to
refactor the site to make it less painful to work with!!
wish me luck

2024-09-11

well i got melon to remove the character limit thing
i really hope they dont hate me

2024-09-08

ok i calmed down from the third finally
im still not talking on the forum until i
talk with my therapist tho
also the site redesign is thanks to roly

2024-09-03

god damnit god damnit god damnit god damnit
im literally being punished in the forums code
there it is proof that im i cant i dont i cant
i tried to change but im still a terrible person
the friirsefnsieoasd,cz,,,cmvmxc,
why do i keep trying this always happens i keep ruining
everyhthingfd becvause i cant just act normal freaking godamnit

2024-08-30

i'm not sure what im doing at this point
the like jealousy panics keep happening and stuff
im kinda worried that like im being ignored on the
forum like i made a post about my anxieties about like
my website and nobody responded in like 12 hours and im
scared and stuff and like i always feel bad posting anything
negative in forums or like public areas and stuff because i
i feel like if i feel negative again im just "doing it purposely"
and like i the only ppl im super comftorable venting to repeatedly
are like hiyena and turtle ive known them forever and stuff
anxiety sucks so bad

2024-08-28

ok college is starting to speed up again
yey..

UPDATE WOOO IM STARTING TO MAKE IRL FRIENDS KINDA
the board game club ended up going way longer than expected
it was a really complex one ive never heard of before called
"betrayed in a cabin on a hill" it was SO good
im pretty pumped yey :D

2024-08-27

the comic is finally starting to become sane again
in my personal life, college hasnt sped up yet so thats good
still scared of it
also i drew more slimes

2024-08-22

aaaa why are people looking at the journal :(
nah jk it does feel weird having actual readers now hi
college has been ok so far nothing super difficult Y E T
i started a rotumblr blog too so like thats fun
not much else to talk about

2024-08-19

first day of college?
it wasnt /so/ bad i guess..
the compsci class seems pretty dang easy
from the syllabus, so i cant wait to knock it out
tho of course that advantage wont last long..
the other class today the professor didnt show up so..
yea?

using the computer has gotten a lot more annoying lately
since my brother insists on constantly hanging out in the room
and messing with me and it drives me crazy and i just want him
to leave and thank god hes in the other room rn so i can write
this without looking over my shoulder every 5 words

2024-08-18

ok the comic is seriously going insane now
idk where its even going i need some help im going
to ask turtlehat for help again :P
also last day of summer which sucks
probaly cant work on the site as much
starting tomorrow

2024-08-16

sorry most of the stuff here has been vent
most of my life is like online and stuff and
i dont really have m/any irl friends and stuff
and well with college starting next week i probably
will either post here a lot more or not at all
feeling really aimless again yey

2024-08-15

its only the 15th by technicality, im writing this
an hour before midnight..
weird bug furry obsesion struck again i probably shouldnt
be on tumblr i ended up reading an ao3 fanfic about bugs
and now i am very fricked up and wana kiss a bug and aguh
reading hitchhikers to calm down but idk if im doing a comic
tomorrow will see if im still fricked up and furry when i wake up
see ya then mabye

2024-08-14

i think almost all of my problems are from just
not being able to let go and make something without
worrying about it being "good" or not..
my webcomic is terrible from an objective standpoint
i keep just doing stupid jokes and theres no development
ever and i keep forgetting stuff that made it more unique
bc i keep falling into the same formula of "make one off joke"
and all my drawings are the same i cant innovate anything
everything ive made was just a random thought that i threw
out and most of those get shut down because im "scared" of
it the only reason i even started the comic in the first
place was i pressured myself to from the USENET group and
kept going and now im stuck in a stupid loop again of making
the same stuff over and over and god i wish i could just like
commit to a storyline that was more than 2 pages long or more
unique character designs that arent just stolen from games im
obsessed with or "inspired" recolors of another persons char
and like i cant see the stupidest stuff like "a bug society"
without losing my fking mind and i am definitely a bug/slime
furry at this point and i hate it and i wish i was normal about
these things why cant i just SEE SOMEONE ELSES WEBCOMIC ABOUT BUGS
without like losing my mind or a game cough bug fables i hate it
frickin aaaaghhh

2024-08-13

i finally got a new computer desk!!
i can finally finally put a keyboard in
instead of using the laptop keyboard
it mmight be a bit harder to draw while i get
used to drawing at a different angle tho :P

2023-08-12

sleeping is the best way to feel better
also i got a good score on a math placement (retake) test so yey :)

2024-08-11

feeling very aimless again
like just going through the motions again
and again
college will be hell but it hasnt started yet so who knows
wish i could just be content

16:00 update GOD DAMNIT
can i EVER exist in a public space without
being anti social or making everything worse for myself?!

i really really dont unerstand the forum posting rules
and i keep ruining everything he probably hates me now
god i keep fricking everything up and the forum is going to
shut down in like 2 hours which is even worse because now
i cant even like "prove myself" at all and have to worry about it the entire day tomorrow why do i make things so much worse
for everyone around me why do i keep trying to do this

2024-08-10

tried to work on the site more but anxiety hit again
guess ill just throw something into the jounral and be done with it

2024-08-06

being forced to go out to an overnight
camp sucks, but ill see yall later hopefully
drew the comic in advance so there shouldnt be a drop

2024-08-03

what is this, my 4th attempt at a blog?
here we go again