RSS
probaby never on 
candys journal
basically the "hidden" vent section ive seen the webtracker nobody looks at this page
2024-11-07
i feel like every single problem i've ever
had in the creative space can be boiled down
into this image:
like, if i could just shut the frick up and
"do it scared" i could get something done but
i just have to try and force someone "successful"
to help when i feel like im failing and
it doesnt fix the problem of being scared to fail and
ill eventually annoy them to the point they hate me again
for creative stuff especially i feel like im falling
into the trap of making the same kind of character, or
like being unable to write a different perspective (or at all)
i KNOW if I JUST SAT DOWN and WROTE i could EVENTULLY make someting PASSABLE but my STUPID BRAIN just gets PARALYZED at the SLIGHTEST HINT OF RESISTANCE and i just run to SOMEONE ELSE to GET ME TO DO IT I
im sorry for all the negativity here but im trying to
be more vulnerable here and this is how i am
2024-11-07
its really cool seeing such a wide range of
states that people visit from, even if i never
get to talk to them just seeing that is cool
2024-11-04
back here again, i guess
being scared of things seems to be my entire driving force huh
i wish it wasnt but its the only thing that reliably motivates
me to do anything but lay around and be pathetic and waste time
scared that if i stopped doing art id never start again
or people would forget me
id just be another face, nice to talk to but gone instantly
i already tried this stupid journal thing three times and
deleted everything or gave up because it was just me whining
and being a stupid little edgy teen because my life is literally
just uni and discord/stupid frking forums and who wants to read
about that "oh i went to school it was uneventful then i went
online and talked with people about nothing like the last 500
entries" i dont know what to do
sorry for another negative entry but again barely anything
happens here
2024-09-30
Wow, a whole month before I tore down the
journal page again!! cool, huh??
now i get what people mean with "teenage mood swings"
i left the last article so i have something
to reference to copy this properly
these journals keep getting either
too negative or fall into disuse because
my life is incredibly boring besides like
talking about what i did online which would
make me sound like a really sad person and stuff
also my hyperfixations got me into trouble again
i really wish i could either be normal and not
obsess over real disorders people actually deal with
(DiD/pluralness) or just actually have it so i can feel
justified in being so interested and like be able to
interact with the community better and stuff and also in general
not have social anxiety and ok its getting too negative again
would it be wrong to say i want to inflict myself with it
2024-09-26
hey, im back its been a while
still dealing with stuff and college
idk how im feeling really
[EXPUNGED]
